It’s something you don’t notice at first. Creative ideas keep flowing at the start, but each one gets the excuse, “Oh you don’t have time to do that.” Over time, the excuse morphs from ‘not enough time’ to, “That’s a stupid idea. Don’t bother.” Eventually, you wake up and any sniff of the once-gushing well of creativity is met with: “You’re not an artist and you never were so forget about it.”

The thing about crushing your creative spirit is that it actually takes a lot of work. And when you’re constantly telling yourself ‘No’, you’re often harming your self-confidence and esteem. I found myself getting depressed, stuck in cycles of negative thinking, shaming myself for abandoning my creative dreams. I became despondent at work, and then of course got stuck in a cycle of shaming myself for not being a ‘good enough’ employee. 

Eventually, I had enough. I was done feeling down about my lost creative ambitions. I had enough of making excuses for not being a filmmaker. There were so many people in Ottawa creating for the sake of creating. From their gumption, I took inspiration.